1 out of 3 teen girls in the U.S. has been a victim of physical, emotional or sexual abuse by a dating partner.   

DATING VIOLENCE

Imagine you are out for an evening stroll and you round a corner only to witness a brutal beating.  Before you a young women is being slapped, scratched, and thrown.  Your immediate instinct is to help, which is what most of us would do.  The truth is, this scenario depicts an all too common situation, a young woman in a violent dating relationship.  The desire to intervene is noble – indeed necessary – yet, the reality is that many previous opportunities to prevent this situation have gone unrecognized. Prevalence rates of psychological and emotional abuse in dating relationships have been reported as high as 76% and physical violence as high as 40%.  There is no doubt that dating violence is escalating.  One in three United States teen girls has been a victim of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse by a dating partner. 

Known causes of dating violence include low self-esteem, inexperience with dating, up-bringing, peer pressure, and immaturity.  In addition, rigid gender roles stereotypes have been found in adolescents who report dating violence.  It is important to remember that dating violence  is not confined to heterosexual dating relationships, it is also found in dating relationships of Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Gay, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) teens.  Warning signs to watch for include: sudden loss of interest in activities, low grades, changes in appetite, changes in sleep patterns, loss of regular friends and drastic changes in clothing.  Often victims will wear long sleeves, long pants and scarves to hide bruises and marks.  If you suspect that your teen may be in a violent dating situation begin communicating with them about appropriate dating behavior and ask them if they are experiencing any of the following behaviors in their dating relationship.

• Do you feel like you don't have any power in your relationship?
• Are you afraid of your partner's temper?
• Are you afraid to disagree?
• Are you constantly apologizing for your partner's behavior?
• Are you justifying everything you do to avoid your partner's anger?
• Are you being put-down by your partner and then being told that s/he loves you?
• Are you being kept from seeing your friends and family?
• Are you being told what to do?
• Are you being forced or pressured to have sex?
• Are you afraid to say "no" to sex?
• Are you afraid to break up? Is your partner saying s/he can't live without you?
• Is your partner jealous or possessive?
• Does your partner try to control you?
• Does your partner abuse alcohol or other drugs and/or pressure you to take them?
• Does your partner blame you when s/he mistreats you?
• Does your partner have a history of bad relationships?
• Does your partner always blame others for his/her problems?
• Does your partner believe s/he should be in control all the time?
• Have your family and/or friends warned you about the person or told you they were worried for your safety?
• Has your partner hit, kicked, shoved you or thrown things at you?
• Have you been wrongly accused of flirting or having sex with someone else?
• Do you feel like you can't do anything without your partner's permission?
• Does your partner tell you s/he wants you all to him/her and not let you do anything on your own?

REMEMBER:  ABUSE IS ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL.  If your teen identifies with any of these statements they may be in a violent dating situation.  The first way you can help your teen is to offer them love, support, open non-judgmental communication, and encourage zero tolerance for inappropriate dating behaviors.  There are many reasons a teen may want to stay in a dating relationship.  In high school, status and self-esteem are often intricately linked to a teen’s relationship. Leaving a relationship, even if there is violence, may make your teen feel like she is losing an integral part of her identity. Our society tends to “couple” people.  How often does your teen hear the question, “do you have a boyfriend (girlfriend)?”  Your teen may feel that it’s better to be in an abusive relationship than in no relationship at all, fearing that she will have no friends, no social standing, or that she will lose her social support system if she breaks up with the abuser. She may be in love and want the violence to end, but not the relationship altogether.  Your teen may feel that nobody could possibly understand how she feels, or she may fear punishment — that if you find out, you won’t let the couple date any longer.  She may worry that you will be disappointed in her.  Finally, you must consider what type of relationships your teen has witnessed.  If your teen does not see healthy relationships at home she is not likely to experience one of her own.

Ending a violent relationship can be dangerous.  Care should be taken to ensure the safety of your child.  Remember, they cannot do this alone.  Have them follow these tips and document any threats of violence.  Call 9-1-1 if immediate danger is present and contact the local police department to notify them of any risk for violence.

• Create a safety plan, including where to go if they are in a dangerous situation.
• Provide a working cell phone in case they need to call for help.
• Create a secret code with people they trust. That way, if they are with their abuser and need help, they can request help safely.
• Notify work and school.  Create a safe environment when they are away from home.
• Have them avoid walking or riding alone.
• Be smart about technology. Don't share passwords. Don't post schedules on Facebook, and keep your settings private.

Our instinct is to help those who are being hurt, but the time to help is long before an occurrence on an afternoon stroll.  The time to help is now.  Open communication with the young people around you.  Don’t be afraid to discuss the topic of dating violence.  Know what resources are available to you.  Provide support to dating violence prevention and education. Most importantly, educate yourself on what a healthy relationship is and model that behavior. 

PYC Preventing Violence, Promoting Peace

Meg Petri, M.Ed., LPC, LCPC, NCC

Executive Director

Dear Supporters and Visitors,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in Progressive Youth Connection and give you a personal introduction to the agency and the work that we do. I don’t think anyone can look at the world today, especially in St. Louis, and not be concerned by the increase in violence our children are facing. Bullying, gang violence, dating violence, and hate crimes all have drastic consequences; not only in emotional and physical scars, but also in fatalities. PYC has taken a stance to turn this violent reality around.

At PYC, we take every opportunity to create peaceful change in our community. We have the belief that to resolve the issues of violence we must take a holistic approach by addressing each area of a child’s life. This is done by approaching violence through the child, the family, and the community. Teaching children to resolve conflict peacefully, stay safe in situations that could turn violent, and maintain healthy relationships with friends, family, self, and community is an important part of the process, but educating parents and the community is vital. PYC’s programs are designed to give kids, parents, and communities the tools necessary to keep St. Louis children safe.

There are many charities I could have selected to become a part of, not just a board member, but truly a part of the organization. Progressive Youth Connection is different from most children organizations - they PREVENT violence. Growing up in a North County school exposed me to gang violence and segregation amongst students, who didn’t have any sense of responsibility or consequences for their actions. Today, I’m a parent who wants to make the world and classroom a safer place for my child, and yours. We have to worry about a new form of bullying. The concern isn’t who is singling out my child at school, but who is posting negative comments to the entire class, and worse, your child believing those statements. The underlying fact is we need support to grow a healthy community, and it starts with prevention.

I would like to ask you to get involved, as well, by supporting the 2011 World of Children awards and fund raising event through a sponsorship. World of Children is on May 6, 2011 at the DoubleTree in Chesterfield, MO. The event recognizes and honors individuals and businesses in St. Louis that play a significant role in the lives of children. It will draw 200+ prominent community members and provides a perfect opportunity to advertise yourself or your business and support a worthy cause. Hundreds will attend the event and thousands will receive e-blasts featuring your business and links to your page. Please review the attached materials while considering your involvement. This event will be a wonderful success
with your help.

Sincerely,


Jeanette B. Kirkpatrick, World of Children Chair
Progressive Youth Connection Board Member