When I was a kid, my mother said, “Mind your manners” and I quietly rolled my eyes behind her back. As most kids my age I didn’t really understand the importance of manners; but I knew they were important to my mom and to avoid trouble I certainly was going to do what she said! It’s a new day and manners often seem to be lacking in our society. So why exactly are manners important? Well for one, they set boundaries for what is appropriate social behavior, they convey respect for others, and they help maintain a peaceful school, household, and community.
As our definition of respect changes we must look at how this impacts manners and subsequently behavioral changes in our culture. Respect has traditionally meant to consider someone worthy of esteem and regard with honor. It is commonly thought, through this point of view, that the more respect you give, the more you will get. However society has twisted the definition of respect. In some communities respect means that others fear you or defer to your authority. This meaning is being seen more and more in media, music, and videos that target our kids. Suddenly something as simple as respect takes on an ominous tone touching on intimidation and violence.
Yes, in my time serving kids and their families I have seen this dynamic in classrooms, households, playgrounds, and the community in general. As a community; adults, kids, educators, grandparents, etc.; it is time to put the appropriate definition of respect back into our society and the best way to do this is by teaching simple manners.
Four major areas of manners:
General: Address others in a respectful manner avoiding yelling, putdowns, name calling, shaming and blaming. Avoid aggressive communication and focus on facts, not hearsay or supposition. Stay calm, offer a friendly smile, and make eye contact. See yourself serving others by doing things to make their life easier, such as opening the door, helping with a chore, doing things before having to be asked. One of the best rewards of good manners is how nice it makes you feel.
Seniors: Seniors should be addressed and treated with respect. They are a source of wisdom and we can all learn much from them. As our elderly slow down we can sometimes become impatient with them. It may take longer for a senior to answer or respond. To cut them off is to show disrespect. Take your time with our seniors and listen to them; they have a wealth of knowledge and life experience.
Adults/Parents: It is a parent’s job to teach their children nice manners. When children exhibit poor manners the conclusion is often that the parents have not done their job. So to all the kids out there, whether it is right or wrong, your behavior does reflect back on your parents. One of the biggest complaints that I hear from parents is that their kids do not treat them with respect. They argue with them, put them down, and basically don’t see them as a person. To respect your parent is to value them as a living, breathing person. Acknowledge what they do for you and say thank you. Too often we use our very worst manners with our families. These are the people you see every day; they should be the first to receive a please and thank you. Parents work hard to provide for their families, often with little respect for what they are giving their kids. Respect what your parents give you by taking care of what you have.
Children: Children are “talked at” all the time. From their perspective few people see them as being old enough to make decisions. I have heard kids say time and time again, “Just because I’m a kid, does not mean I’m stupid!” The best way for kids to learn manners is to be a good role model. Tell your kids please and thank you. Set expectations for manners in your house. Teach manners and why they are important. Set the expectation that these manners will be followed whether you are present or not. Most important, when your kids demonstrate nice manners, praise them!
Talking points for teaching manners:
- Discuss what manners are and why you think they are important. Ask your kids what manners they feel are important.
- Talk about a time when someone didn’t use manners and how that felt.
- Give different scenarios and ask your kids what manners they would use.
- Talk about what manners you expect from your kids and give them the opportunity to express their opinions. In the end, your kids will need a clear picture of what you expect and the consequences if they do not demonstrate your expectations.
- Discuss with your children what they can do when their friends don’t have good manners.
- Point out good/bad manners during everyday activities; such as watching television.
Remember, the number one way you can create a healthy child is to simply start a conversation!






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