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Promoting Respect in the Home

Monday, March 11, 2013

Respect is something that we all want from each other.  In our home, we want family members to show respect for each other, and we want our children to be respectful of others outside of the home.  With media and peer influence that often depict violence and disrespect as humorous and desirable, parents may have difficulty instilling a respectful attitude in their children.  Here are some tips to help create an atmosphere of respect that will encourage your child to respect others, you, and him or herself.

Show respect for your kids.  Often children act out as a way to be seen and heard.  If you notice and acknowledge them in a positive way first; this will allow them to feel their importance, and acting out won’t be necessary.

  • Offer praise whether they succeed or fail.  Reassure them that they are good and valued.
  • Ask your child’s opinion, and allow them to make some decisions that affect their life or the family in some way.

Model self-respect.  When you show your child that you have respect for yourself, and that your behavior follows your own values, your child will be more likely to follow in your footsteps.

  • Talk to your child about decisions that you have made based on your values.
  • Talk about the challenges you have faced, and how your choices affect you now (good and bad).

Use respectful language with your child and with others.  When your child sees you being respectful of others in your home and in your community, your child will learn through your example.

  • Acknowledge others politely.  Recognize others’ feelings and needs, and explain to your child that you understand how others usually have good reason for what they do, even if you disagree.
  • Talk to your child about times when it may be difficult to show respect for others.  Explain the times when you have been successful in showing respect anyway, and how you did so.

Don’t use fear and control to insist on obedience.  Sometimes parents forget that obedience is not the same as respect.  A child may outwardly obey, but inwardly resent their situation, feeling shame, fear, or frustration about their lack of freedom of choice.  Children tend to fear those who insist on controlling them, and respect those who see them as individuals worthy of dignity.

  • Explain to your child that your rules and discipline are meant to protect and/or support your child’s health, safety, and future.  Let these rules and explanations grow and change as your child grows and changes.
  • Don’t demand respect, but allow respect to grow through your honest and caring relationship with your child.

 

Sue Wilhelm, MAC, PLPC

Violence Prevention Specialist



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Being Generous with Praise

Friday, January 04, 2013

Being generous is not only about giving someone a gift, it can also be giving someone the gift of praise.  When we are thinking of the positives about people around us, we are less likely to become angry, argue, or fight.  If praising someone else does not come naturally, all it will take is a little bit of practice.  Try this exercise:

From this list of “101 Ways to Praise Kids,”pick ten phrases that you would like to tell someone (your child, your friend, your coworker, your parent).  Write down the phrases, then write down who you would say it to and why.  Make a habit of saying something kind to at least one person every day.  See how much easier it becomes.

  • That's Incredible!
  • How Extraordinary! 
  • You're Very Talented!
  • Outstanding Performance!
  • Far Out!
  • Great! 
  • Very Brave!
  • Marvelous!
  • I Can't Get Over It!
  • Wonderful! 
  • You Figured It Out!
  • You Should Be Proud!
  • Amazing Effort!
  • Unbelievable Work! 
  • You're the Greatest!
  • Phenomenal!
  • You've Got It!
  • Superb!
  • How Original!
  • You're Special!
  • Cool!
  • Excellent!
  • Congratulations!
  • Your Project is First Rate!
  • Way To Go!
  • You've Outdone Yourself!
  • You're Super!
  • Thumbs Up!
  • What A Great Listener!
  • Your Help Counts!
  • You Make Me Smile!
  • You Came Through!
  • Terrific!
  • You Tried Hard!
  • You're A Pleasure To Know!
  • Fabulous!
  • Your Effort Really Shows!
  • You Made It Happen!
  • What A Genius!
  • You're A Real Trooper!
  • It Couldn't Be Better!
  • Bravo!
  • You're A Champ!
  • You're Unique!
  • Exceptional!
  • You Set A Good Example!
  • Right On!
  • Fantastic Work!
  • Breathtaking!
  • Keep Up The Good Work! 
  • Clever!
  • Awesome!
  • I Knew You Had It In You!
  • You've Made Progress! 
  • Magnificent!
  • Your Work Is Out of Sight!
  • What An Imagination!
  • It's Everything I Hoped For!
  • Brilliant!
  • Stupendous!
  • You're Sensational!
  • Very Good! 
  • You're A-OK!
  • You Made The Difference!
  • Good For You!
  • A+ Work!
  • You're So Kind!
  • Take A Bow!
  • Super Job!
  • How Thoughtful of You!
  • You're Sharp!
  • Nice Going!
  • Class Act!
  • Well Done!
  • Thanks For Helping!
  • You're Inspiring!
  • How Artistic!
  • You Go The Extra Mile!
  • You've Earned My Respect!
  • Hooray For You!
  • You're A Joy!
  • You're A Shining Star!
  • You're #1!
  • You're Amazing!
  • What A Great Idea!
  • Great Answer!
  • Great Discovery!
  • Extra Special Work!
  • You Deserve A Hug
  • You're Getting Better!
  • Wow!
  • You're Tops!
  • You're Catching On!
  • You're Neat!
  • You're Very Responsible!
  • You've Got What It Takes!
  • Spectacular Work!
  • You're A Winner!
  • Thanks For Caring!
  • Beautiful!

Sue Wilhelm, MAC, PLPC

Violence Prevention Specialist



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Mission Moment
 
     
Stories of PYC's programs making a difference.

"In my 25 plus years as the counselor at Delmar Harvard School I have observed first hand the need for a program such as "Count To Ten", the anger management program offered by Progressive Youth Connections. Many of our students have not had opportunities to learn the skills necessary for effective conflict resolution. I know that these skills must be taught the same way academic skills are taught and reviewed multiple times. It is unreasonable to expect children to know the steps of conflict resolution if they have not been exposed to this information. Children need time to learn the material and practice using it in a classroom selling.

I often find myself sitting with two or more students after they have had a shouting match or a physical incident involving hitting, pushing or fighting and I find that even after they are calm and they have an adult working with them, they do not know strategies for dealing with their anger. Many students believe that the only way to solve a problem is to vent their feelings, posture, or get revenge.

It is important for all students to understand what the alternatives to these unproductive actions can be."

-Beth Brightfield, Counselor at Delmar Harvard Elementary School
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