Stopping Violence begins with Baby Steps
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. It is important that we start teaching our children how to prevent bullying and what to do if they see bullying. Through October, I will be addressing bullying through information focusing on various age groups and behaviors. Today I would like to talk about teaching children the difference between teasing and bullying. It is common and completely normal to tease those that we love. But what really is teasing? The Mirriam-Webster dictionary states that teasing is “to make fun of”. Is that what we really do with our loved ones? Of course not; we tease because there is a comfort zone there that allows us to make little jokes about our loved one’s idiosyncrasies without being demeaning or putting them down. The teasing strengthens the bond and makes the two people closer. For example, a wife asking her husband if she snores and the husband replying, “of course not, Darling, you don’t snore, you purr.” The statement is softened in a positive way and the wife is not embarrassed or humiliated. When you tease it should boost someone’s morale and make them feel better about themselves and comfortable with those around them.
Children can have a difficult time understanding the concept of teasing. The way to distinguish between the two is by the intent. The goal of teasing is to create closer relationships and make connections. The goal of bullying is to harm. Teasing turns into bullying when kids use it to gain greater social status. (scholastic.com).
To help your children learn this difference, I encourage you to have a conversation about teasing and bullying.
- Ask your kids what they see at school, do kids tease each other?
- Who do they tease? How do they tease, what do they do?
- Do they get teased? How are they teased?
- Ask them how they feel when they are teased.
- Does teasing leave them feeling embarrassed or bad?
- Have they ever teased someone in an attempt to make the other person feel bad or to get people to laugh at that person?
- Define bullying for your children: Bullying is when someone repeatedly and on purpose says or does mean or hurtful things to another person who has a hard time defending himself or herself.
Bullying does not happen by mistake. If you become concerned after talking to your child, talk to the school and find out what is going on. Follow-up with your child and the school to make sure that any bullying issues are resolved. Encourage your children to come to you if they think anyone is getting their feelings hurt or if they are being physically bullied. Model good behavior for your children by avoiding putting people down, making jokes about individuals or groups of people, and name-calling. Focus on building people up and teaching your children to accept others in spite of the differences they may have.
As always, if you have any concerns about the safety of your child, or any other child, address them immediately with the school. If the threat for violence is great contact the police department. Simple conversations as the one above can go a long way to changing the lives of our children. Nobody should go to school in fear and it is our responsibility to ensure this. Please visit our website at pyconline.com for more information or to contribute your comments to our parent’s page. Thank you for your interest in the well being of our children. Meg Petri, M.Ed., LPC, LCPC, NCC
9530 Watson Industrial Park, Ste. A
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